We need to practice talking to people we disagree with. Here’s how | WBUR Cognoscenti
By Seth Izen
We avoid certain relatives. We change the subject when politics comes up at work. We scroll past posts from friends we’ve known for decades rather than risk a conversation that might cost us the relationship. Americans have forgotten how to talk to each other about challenging topics like politics.
Pew Research shared new survey results in February showing that more than half of American adults have stopped talking about politics with someone because of something that person said. The American Psychiatric Association found last year that nearly 1 in 5 Americans are now estranged from a family member over political disagreements — and that the same share have started skipping family events altogether to avoid the tension.
We have stopped practicing one of the most fundamental human skills: talking to people we disagree with.
The cost is real. The American Psychological Association’s most recent Stress in America survey found that 62% of adults say societal division is a significant source of stress in their lives, and that roughly half of Americans report feeling isolated, left out and lacking companionship. This isn’t just a political problem. It has become a loneliness crisis. A public health issue. And it’s showing up at work, too: In a recent report from the Society of Human Resources Management (sHRM), almost half of workers pointed to political disagreements as the number-one driver of workplace incivility.
None of this is inevitable. But reversing it requires something most of us don’t remember how to do well.
I’ve spent my career as a mediator sitting across from people who are convinced the other side will never understand them. What I’ve learned, again and again, is that they’re usually wrong. Not because their differences aren’t real. They often are. But because most conflict, including political conflict, is less about irreconcilable values and more about the inability to feel heard. When people genuinely feel heard, something shifts. The temperature drops. Conversation becomes possible.
So how do we start?